Q. I SUSPECT A COLLEAGUE OF MINE IS GAY AND ALTHOUGH I'M NOT, I'D PREFER HIM TO BE HONEST AND OPEN ABOUT IT.
IS IT OKAY TO JUST ASK HIM STRAIGHT OUT?
You are entitled to do anything you want, and he is entitled to decline to comment.
I ask everyone everything - when they have sex, with whom, how often, if they cheat on their partners, if they have had same-sex encounters.
You would be surprised how many people love being asked, and do tell the most intimate, sexy, shockingly delicious details. Most people are not ashamed when talked to and listened to with respect. Be gentle and go for it.
- Ruth Ostrow -- Author
What right have you to invade his privacy or to parade your prissy preference that he be "honest and open"? Happily, society now accepts that being gay carries no opprobrium, and gay men and women enjoy freedom from the prejudice and hang-ups of the past. But whether they wish to come out or not is strictly and solely their own business. The very form of your question betrays an intolerable sense of self-righteousness.
- Sir Laurence Street -- Former NSW Chief Justice
Neither same-sex attraction nor being engaged in a same-sex relationship has anything to do with a working environment. His non-disclosure is not a lack
of honesty or openness. The word for it is privacy, and it may reflect respect for work relationships. Nothing is gained by forcing him to affirm or deny that which you have no right to know.
If you were becoming emotionally involved, then you might need to know his feelings for you.
- Dr Nicholas Tonti-Filippini -- Consultant ethicist